Friday, January 21, 2011

Yikes, what a day I had yesterday. I had a huge fight with my sister which I am still recovering from. She and I are just different creatures that sometimes come to a head, but at least I know that I walked away and didn't say anything I wish I could take back. The thing is that I rarely get mad and when I do,  I still try to remain calm and that can be infuriating to someone who just wants to yell; to her, it seems like I have a tone. But I refuse to yell like a child, so we are a little at an impasse. Also, it brought up some feeling from being the oldest and as a child, always being told to let things go, that I wasn't allowed to be upset by something my sisters did. It was a rough emotional day yesterday, but the thing is that I know I handled myself the best I could and really the only thing that is going to change this situation and my sister's heart is a lot of prayer.

I have been sooooo inspired lately; my new job really lets me spend more time just reading through blogs and such. I am loving several dedicated to fashion. I have personally been working on being more put together; while many in college dressed in sweats, I was always dressed in some nice getup, but now I would kill for jeans and a hoodie. The thing is, though, that I feel so much better about myself when I present myself nicely to the world. Looking forward to searching through some vintage and thrift stores in the near future to refresh the wardrobe.

I have slacked already about keeping up this blog, but I am excited to report that my condo is still clean. What has happened in the past is that I overwhelmed myself with schedules of deep cleaning so now I am just focusing on keeping what I already spent a ton of time cleaning clean. Working from home has been a blessing because I get up and spent a half hour picking up before I start the day. Expectations are important but unreasonable ones just create disaster, really.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

So, in my last post, I talked about constantly evaluating your life and making neccessary  adjustments. I realized that some might see me as someone who is never happy. In a way that is true; I am never happy with standing still but for the first time in my life, I look at my life and when I say, how and when did I become this person, I am not freaked out. Sure, things need to change and I am leaning on God to bring about those changes, but yet, at the core of it, I am pretty happy with who I am. 
God has done an amazing work on me in the nearly two years since I have graduated with college. First, with my year as a missionary associate and then now, in Seminary. Today, I was like, wow, when did I go to this person who is so firmly rooted that when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, I turned to God instead of turning away. When did I become the person that instead of being idignant about the problems I see in the church, dedicate myself to creating change? Sometimes change is big and dramatic, yet remember that sometimes it is small and quietly altering something you never knew needed to change.
I am a firm believer in seasons of life. If I had to describe my life right now in one word, it would be transitions. This past semester, I have kinda laid low and spent a lot of time by myself. I didn’t do a good job of explaining to people why I withdrew and for that I am very sorry, but now I am seeing that things are transitioning and it is time for me to, because of the new opportunities I have, get back to people and being an active role in other’s lives. Exciting!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Summer Reading List

Discipline of Spiritual Discernment- Tim Challies

Lies Women Believe- Nancy Leigh Demoss

Radical womenhood: feminine faith in a feminine world- Carolyn McCulley

One Thousand GiftsL A dare to live fully right where you are: Ann Voskamp

Ruth:Under the Wings of God- John Piper

Every Day in Tuscany: Seaspns of an Italian Life- Frances Hayes

Reading Lolita in Tehran: a memoir in books- Azar Nafisi

His Excellency: George Washington- Jospeh Ellis

The Poisonwood Bible- Barbara Kingsolver

Parisian: an adventure history of Paris- Graham Robb

Water for Elephants

Love Wins- Rob Bell

Monday, January 10, 2011

New Changes

I took a class this last semester dedicated completely to figuring out the unique ways we operate and interact with others. We were asked to spend immense amounts of time in self-evaluation. This was no hardship for me because I often spend time re-evaluating my life and changing the course.

For instance, when I studied abroad, the first semester came and went and I went, I am not happy with this. I have not been experiencing this amazing place as I should have been. So I reached out and made new friends and embarked on a new adventure. Now, I look back on studying abroad with great fondness and as an event that truly shaped my life.

Do you ever stop and just say I am not happy with this. Note that I am not continually unhappy, but just i often stop and say, hey, wait, is this what I really wanted to do or have I gone awry in some way? Recently, I have had one of those moments. And while that class I took last semester sometimes drove me insane, it did teach me the importance of making a plan and going for it. The job I have been working, simply because it was easy, had to go first. I spent a lot of time in prayer; there are so many things I am interested in and I feel like I am qualified to do but that is not really enough to convince people in this world to hire me. But a new and amazing opportunity has presented itself; I will have a flexible enough schedule to continue to go to school full time which is really my priority and make enough to cover tuition and living expenses without taking out more loans.

I have big plans for my life, but some years of hard work need to be put in in order to make those dreams come true, and now that I have really put my head around that idea, I am ready to get down to business. I have given myself 5 years to finish school, get out of debt, and dedicate myself to ministry. I am so thankful to all the opportunities that I have been given which are going to help me accomplish these goals.

It's a new year right? well, I don't usually make resolutions, but I think this one is worth making. I would say that my life is about 47% in line with God's plan for it. Yikes, that's not too good! This is the year that I will dedicate myself to doing whatever I need to do to get that percentage up! I hope you come along for the ride. New and big changes are on the way and I hope that God continues to mold us all!

Why I Do What I Do

I am hoping that this blog will be something that will continue for some time and will be a blessing to other. That said, I think it is important to be upfront about who I am and maybe explain a little about why I do what I do and think like I do.
I read because I think it is one of the world’s last simple pleasures. I am actually getting a Kindle soon so I don’t have to lug all my school books around but in general there is absolutely nothing better than picking up a book and reading it, feeling the texture of the pages and getting lost in the beauty of the words. Have you ever read a book that so enraptured you that you were sad when you read the last words. I have! The feeling is so odd and even odder to explain, but I hope you read at least one book like this in your lifetime.
I write because it helps me organize. Does this sound weird? I used to never write anything down because my thoughts went faster that I could get the words down and that frustrated me. I tried to journal when I was younger, but it wasn’t until college that I really began to write about my life and my thoughts. Sometimes it was a daily thing or more recently, I have found the pages of my journal blank for months. But that it what is great about writing. You can always come back to it! I am always making lsits, writing down quotes or random thoughts. I love to have some evidence of what I am going through which is also why...
I scrapbook. It is time consuming and it is messy and i have boxes full of mementos and pictures that I hope to one day create into sometimes of timeline of my life. Truthfully, I think that my apartment would be much more organized and I would be a lot less neurotic, but it is something I truly enjoy and something that I can make for my future children and grandchildren.
I talk because I have something to say. Granted, I talk a lot less than I used to and I rarely share very personal things about myself unless you are one of the maybe ten people I trust enough. I will use what I have gone through as examples but only if I see someone who needs to know that information. Lately, I have spent a lot of time alone and while I do enjoy being around people, I enjoy having to answer to no one about what I am doing at any given moment. 
I attend Seminary because God told me to. To answer the question everyone asks, no, I am not going to be a pastor of a church, but other than that I have no idea. I would love to live in France again some day and I truly believe that it will happen because I dream of walking the streets of Aix so frequently. More often than not, you will hear me complaining about Seminary. It isn’t because I don’t love it, because I do. I am just critical, but not in a bad way. It is one of my gifts to notice things others don’t. I am not negative, I just see things differently than you. 
I live life for God. Funny that I can write that now and not even cringe. I am not the most vocal of Christians and I don’t pepper my speech with Praise the Lords, but I have a deep relationship with Jesus and it is pretty cool the way He has been working in my life lately. Ask me about it sometime and I might just tell you.
Well, that’s it today. Still trying to find the tone that I want the blog to take. It really isn’t about me, but about God after all, and I want to make sure that is evident above all else.  Something to ponder for now. 

Friday, January 7, 2011

why I am writing this blog

Why write a blog when there are so many out there? There are numerous ones written by young Christian women, some about homemaking, others about modest clothes, some about crafts. There is an abundance so is it really neccessary to add my own voice? Obviously, I think so. I am not too sure how this will work or exactly what this will look like but I hope to share books I am reading, things I am learning in Seminary, crafts I am doing, and pictures that I am taking. I hope you enjoy!!!!!


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